


you find out everything's gone wrong

by Katraa



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bittersweet, Breakup, Cussing, Drugs, M/M, So much angst, the usual stuff you'd expect from me, the whole shebang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2822495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katraa/pseuds/Katraa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noiz wants to beg him to stay friends, wants to ask if they can just keep talking because Sly was the first person to make him feel alive, to pull him from the darkness, and maybe he's being selfish doing this over the phone and not flying back to Japan but he doesn't want to hurt Sly anymore.  Because Noiz knows he's a monster and he just doesn't want to drag Sly down from the darkness any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you find out everything's gone wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [driedupwishes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/driedupwishes/gifts).



> SO DRIEDUPWISHES wanted something to do with being under blankets and being dorks so THIS KIND OF THAT BUT WITH SUCH A SADISTIC AND CRUEL TWIST.  
> i'm sorry but i promise it's worth it in the end?
> 
> anyway... this is because semi-recently i went through a very painful breakup and i haven't had the proper time to reflect on it (in other words, channel my feelings through writing). it's been my habit to give a proper send-off to past loves this way, even though they'll never see it, out of both respect for their feelings and my own. so i guess you can say this is my swan song. i hope you lead a very happy life, even though you no longer want me in any part of it.
> 
> disclaimer but obv my real-life story doesn't have the same ending, or the same events, as this. but you get the picture.

**subtitle: robber, robber baron**

It was all done preemptively. 

He had deleted any picture of himself and Sly off his phone before it happened. He deleted every single reminder of the blue-haired brat off his phone - anything that could possibly trigger him after the fact, because that was how people like him dealt with emotions. How people that thought of themselves as monsters coped with letting go of the only people that had ever seen any ray of light when they looked their way. The ease it took to click the red x was remarkable - and Noiz thought, maybe, that was because he had numbed himself to the raw emotion that was scratching apart his insides.

He had left a few months ago for Germany on the request of his parents. Rather, he had wanted to make something of himself, _finally_ , and going back to face his demons was the first, necessary step. 

Germany had been colder than he remembered and without Sly by his side it was even harder. Sly had become an integral part of his life for the past three and a half years, and maybe Noiz was just getting cold feet (no pun intended).

* * *

__

_"Yo, brat."_

_Sly sprawls across his bed, blue hair spilling over his shoulders and the pillows, as he tosses him a look from his phone. There's a heaviness to Sly's eyes, a tired and worn down darkness that Noiz barely catches a glimpse of when he turns his gaze his way._

_"Hm?"_

_Noiz's fingers linger on his keyboard, in the midst of typing up some code for Ruff Rabbit._

_"There's a sequel for that freakin' pizza game," Sly drawls as he stretches and proceeds to intertwine his body with his boyfriend's. His chin goes to Noiz's shoulder and his arms around the blonde's scrawny waist, his body leaned against his as they sat on Noiz's too small bed._

_"Pizza game?" Noiz deadpans it but there's a twinkle in his eyes at the mere mention of pizza._

_"The bear game. You know, with the doors and the friction' suits. Please tell me you didn't forget," Sly chuckles, blows air hotly, directly, into Noiz's ear._

_"Ah." Noiz sounds unimpressed but there's a faint hint of pink high on his cheeks. "The one where you woke up my neighbor."_

_Sly snorts and he buries his forehead down against Noiz's shoulder. The laugh makes his whole body tremble and Noiz can feel it vibrate through his own body._

_"Yeah. That one, you ass. It was fucking hell. I didn't _see you_ offer to play a round," Sly mumbles into too-soft cotton that Noiz is wearing and Sly may be wondering, deep down, how expensive this shit is and how his boyfriend of so long has gotten his hands on this much liquid cash._

_"There's a sequel?" Noiz clicks his tongue, mind blank and eyes staring at the ceiling._

_"Uh-huh. I can't wait. The demo comes out tomorrow. Wanna come over and play it with me? We can get drunk and scream our heads off. Or, you know, I can play it and you can go all nerd over the graphics and the coding or whatever you did last time."_

_Noiz smirks and he tilts his head to better look at the beauty perched beside him. Thin, blonde eyebrows raise and Noiz finds himself saying, "Or we can scream for other reasons."_

_"Smooth," Sly says, slow and poignant, as he flicks his gaze up to meet the too-amused green ones that are drilling holes into his soul. But maybe they already have done that and there's just nothing left to invade. "Do you use that line on everyone?"_

_"Just my boyfriends."_

_They both know it's just for Sly. Just for him. Just for them.  
_

* * *

The breakup itself isn't as dramatic as Noiz had imagined. In his head, he had played it all out. Either Sly was going to get pissed, cuss him out, and hang up, or he was going to be a mess and they'd be on the phone for hours with Sly, uncharacteristically, begging him to stay because he needed him. Maybe the second option was what Noiz had really wanted from all of this - some twisted sense of belonging, of someone needing him beyond comprehension. Noiz had prepared him for either and when they got on the phone - the time difference made it even worse - all his preparations went to waste.

"I don't think of you romantically anymore," Noiz says it so flatly, so bluntly, that he surprises himself. It's not that Sly doesn't mean so much to him - he does and maybe that's why his chest hurts and is this really pain, is it? - it's just that something is off and he hasn't felt _anything_ the last few times they had sex. Hasn't felt anything when he used to get this dull tingles, these bursts of warmth, these tiny moments where he'd believe he was normal, not a monster, and an actual _person_.

There's silence - even static would be better - and Noiz waits. There's such a heaviness in his chest and he can't exactly see anything in this dark room that he had been locked up for so many years in before he met Sly.

"Oh." There's a long pause and then Sly says, his voice weak but not as distraught as Noiz had imagined it would be, and not as upset as he had planned in the alternative, either. "I was expecting this."

Expecting it? Noiz panics, almost throws the phone or something equally stupid. His nose wrinkles and maybe in that moment he realizes how little he understands people, understands emotions, understands the guy he's been with for so many years that's like his other half.

"You were?" is what Noiz says back despite wanting to scream so much more.

"Yeah."

There's just an awkward silence. Sly doesn't even ask 'how long' or any follow-up questions. There's just this empty void on the phone and Noiz feels his body trembling. Why is he shaking? He isn't cold, he isn't nervous. Can raw emotions possibly do that to a person?

"Oh."

Noiz wants to beg him to stay friends, wants to ask if they can just keep talking because Sly was the first people to make him feel alive, to pull him from the darkness, and maybe he's being selfish doing this over the phone and not flying back to Japan but he doesn't want to hurt Sly anymore. Because Noiz knows he's a monster and he just doesn't want to drag Sly down from the darkness any longer, not when Sly is slowly starting to get his life together, when Sly is _trying so hard_ and all Noiz can show on his end is a screaming-match between his parents and a too-cold bedroom in Germany.

"Give it time," Sly finally says, and Noiz realizes that he _had_ asked if they can still talk. If they can talk after this and just keep in contact. So Noiz nods, even though Sly can't see him.

"Yeah. However long." It's flat and maybe a bit too monotone but Noiz's mind is reeling.

Everything is reeling and spinning around and around.

"'kay. Goodnight."

And Sly hangs up.

* * *

__

_"You're a fucking dork, you know that?" Sly laughs as he points one of his chopsticks at his boyfriend from across the table._

_They're out for dinner - probably one of their monthly date things that just happen every month - and Noiz has been rearranging his sushi on his plate for the past five minutes. The blonde has managed to form a very minimalistic picture out of sushi pieces and it kind of looks like a pixelated video-game character. And apparently that has got Sly roaring in laughter from the way his blue-haired boyfriend is nearly toppling over onto the table in unabashed laughter._

_"I'm dating the biggest nerd in the world, wow."_

_Dating. Noiz smirks to himself, likes the way the word plays on Sly's lips. So he chuckles, too. "Oi. If you gave me some of yours it'd be even more impressive."_

_"Get outta here, bunny boy. My sushi is mine." Sly shakes his head but the laughter hasn't died down._

_Sly's foot slides under the table, rubs against the curve of Noiz's, and he continues munching on his side of fried noodles. Neither say anything more but there's a sense of calmness, of familiarity and routine that settles in between them._

_It's so fucking nice.  
_

* * *

There's a few texts, Noiz admits. There's a few attempts on Sly's end up keep in contact.

But then it stops.

It stops and Noiz realizes that Sly is deleting him out of his life. It's painful to respond texts now, the conversation is strained, and Sly is recoiling. Noiz feels it, as he stares down at his phone during the middle of this big business meeting his father and his brother dragged him to for the family company. Noiz feels sick to his stomach, his hands cold and clammy, as he stares at the fact that Sly has unfollowed him on every single social media they used to troll around on.

Noiz doesn't sleep that night.

Not like he has been, in the first place, since he left Sly.

* * *

__

_"This is a poor idea," Sly says, frowning._

_There's a box of chocolates and there's flashlights, and they literally have made a blanket-fort in the middle of Noiz's living room. There are christmas lights, too, strung in the fort and Sly is laying on his stomach, playing a game on his phone. He's tossing Noiz such an unimpressed look that it probably could kill anyone that wasn't Sly Blue's boyfriend._

_"I saw it online," Noiz reasons, flat, but he doesn't seem to be disinterested. Rather, he seems to be fascinated and just keeps looking around their little tent-house-thing._

_"Wow," Sly chuckles. "I should have expected that."_

_"Did you do this when you were younger?" Noiz feels compels to ask, looking over._

_Sly is in the middle of biting into the chocolate he's picked out from the box. The question catches him off guard so he just blinks. And then looks nervously off to the side, face a soft pink, and he coughs. There's a moment or two where Noiz thinks that Sly will evade the question, will trample on to something new, but then Sly starts to speak very softly._

_Meant for only two ears, "Yeah. I did. Before Sei died. We used to do it all the time."_

_Noiz feels his heart pang. "Mm."_

_"But that's fine. You're here now," Noiz thinks he hears Sly murmur to himself, blue bangs hiding his eyes so Noiz can't be sure, can't make out the pain in Sly's eyes._

_Noiz pulls him in for a kiss and he forgets about the movie they were just going to watch. Watching Sly's face when he kisses him, when he makes him feel amazing, when he makes him happy, is better than anything he's ever seen.  
_

* * *

His Coil, Noiz thinks, must be in on the joke because it resets itself a month after the breakup. All the texts, all the conversations from late-nights and reassurances and rare moments of _real emotion_ are gone. And maybe he had been about to delete them himself just so he wouldn't torture himself over what he lost, but it hurts. It feels like destiny is trying to reassure him that he isn't a monster, that he needs to move on, but… what if it's the opposite? What if he _really is a monster_ and he never deserved Sly to begin with?

* * *

__

_"Are you crying?"_

_Noiz doesn't realize he's even asking it. He doesn't hear his own words. Instead, he's staring at Sly, who is standing on his balcony, arms tightly wrapped around his own frail body, head tipped down. Sly is just standing there out in the rain, body shaking, and Noiz can barely hear little choked sobs that sound like a weak, tortured soul trying to keep it all in._

_He's expecting Sly to barrel back at him, to punch him like he used to, to get into a fight and a mess of limbs because that's their thing, that's who they are. But it never comes._

_Sly just stands there._

_And that's when Noiz approaches him._

_He's always been a monster, but Sly makes him doubt the validity of that. Sly's radiance, Sly's ability to destroy every misconception Noiz ever has made, makes Noiz doubt that he's the cruel monster his parents called him when they locked him away so many years. When he was told he'd end up cold and alone. When people told him he was so easy to replace._

_"Hey."_

_Noiz says it softly, places his hand on Sly's shoulder, and just stands there. The rain is cold but Noiz can't really feel it, anyway. So he doesn't mind standing out there - and he reckons he wouldn't give a damn if he could feel, anyway, because that's what you do when you're in love._

_In Love._

_"Don't leave," is all Sly whispers as he turns and hides his face into the crook of Noiz's neck._

_They don't talk about it._

_But Noiz holds him. And it's okay just for those few moments.  
_

* * *

When Noiz comes back from Germany, when he puts his piercings back in and when he stalks the lonely streets of Japan once more, he feels so lost. Without Sly by his side, without that annoying brat who destroyed all his walls, made him feel, made him _cry_ , life feels empty. What's the point, he thinks, if he doesn't have that beautiful soul at his side? Noiz realizes that he figured out along time ago that Sly was an integral part of who he was, and maybe the only reason he let him go was to see if he'd come back. If he meant _anything at all_ to Sly - which was a silly question, but when you're a monster, you start to have such demented thoughts.

Because someone once said, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be."

And Sly hasn't come back.

And it rips him apart because if he meant anything at all to Sly, wouldn't he have tried? Wouldn't he have tried to make it work, to get back together? It doesn't make sense and Noiz realizes he's younger, more immature, than he ever knew and he just doesn't _get people_.

So he visits Koujaku.

And he spills his soul out to him because he tried to do the right thing, tried to keep himself from hurting Sly by breaking up, but it just made it worse, just ended up hurting Sly more in the end.

And Koujaku isn't much help either, because he won't really tell him what Sly has been up to or anything else, for that matter. He's treated hostly, more than he ever was before, and Noiz realizes that Sly has told him everything. He's on Koujaku's shit-list and there's no way around it.

Noiz leaves with a bloody lip from the brawl he gets into.

He ends up drunk back at his apartment at three am and he can't even bother to care. He drunk calls Sly, too. But Sly doesn't answer.

Did he honestly think he ever would?

* * *

__

_` hey brat. ` _

_` whats up bunny boy?` _

_` nothing. just thinking of you.` _

_` wow that was also romantic. still coming over later?` _

_` yeah. be ready. ` _

_` always am, babe ;) ` _

_` see you soon. love you.` _

__

* * *

It was the only time he had ever typed it - or said it - for that matter. That one quick text to Sly, on a whim. He hadn't even been thinking about it when he sent it over. He had just been in the middle of doing something with his team and it just _felt right_. Which is silly, all things considered, but it sticks and he just wonders why Sly never said it back, why Noiz never brought it back up, either. But he never asks. And maybe he should have.

* * *

He runs into Sly about a month after he's back in Japan. Not much has changed - they're both still playing Rhyme, they're both still young and stupid and immature. Sure, Noiz is working remotely for his Father and Sly is finally in community college after all these months of procrastination, but apart from that, they're the same. Life moves on but people don't really change. Not at their core.

He runs into Sly at - of all places - a coffee shop. Noiz almost laughs because he recalls Koujaku mumbling about the stories people would tell him at the salon they would read that involved soul-mates and coffeeshops.

And yet here he is, Sly Blue, getting a croissant. He looks the same - he's got a really cute black hoodie on that Noiz doesn't recognize and in a quick panic he wonders if he's from a new boyfriend - but he swallows the nerves back down.

Sly hasn't noticed him. Sly is ordering still - getting a mocha to go with that croissant -and Noiz can't help himself. Before Sly is about to pay the cashier, Noiz strides over and interjects, puts out _way too much money_ and mutters to the cashier to, "Don't accept his money."

He doesn't look at Sly - he can't, not yet.

His heart is in his throat and he can't even breathe, let alone think.

"Sir, that's…" the young girl responds, aghast.

"It's fine. Keep it," Noiz mumbles as he steps away from Sly.

The cashier is flustered but graciously accepts the very-large tip and puts Sly's order in for the barista.

Sly doesn't look up, not yet. His hands are in tiny, balled up fists. He doesn't say a single word and Noiz wonders if Sly has forgotten about him entirely. He's expecting maybe to be left, to be ignored, to be hollered at but-

But he gets a punch to the absolute gut.

Which is kind of poetic because maybe that's what he did to Sly. A punch to the gut all those months ago.

"You. Fucking. Moron," Sly growls out and he hears the cashier shriek and Noiz is choking out a breathy, "Ignore it" so no one causes a scene. Because Noiz deserves this and he tastes blood in his mouth and he realizes that he's been biting down on his lip the entire time.

Noiz is bracing himself for a full-out brawl at the coffeeshop, and wouldn't that be strangely sweet, but that doesn't happen either. Sly doesn't even stalk away. Instead, Sly is staring at him with such rage, such emotion, that he thinks the poor guy is going to snap, going to break.

But he doesn't do any of those things, either, and he instead surges forward and drags Noiz down into the messiest, roughest kiss to ever grace either of their lips, drunk or sober. It's full of teeth and it's full of blood and it's lots of biting and Noiz desperately grabs at the small of Sly's back as he drags him closer, pulls him as close as humanely possible, and refuses to let go. His tongue smacks against Sly's and it's so messy and not romantic at all, but Sly is warm and is in his arms and maybe if this is formal way of saying 'fuck off', he'll enjoy it, because as a monster, this is all he can truly expect to ever get.

"I miss you. I miss you so fucking much and if you don't fucking bring me back to your place right now and fuck the hell out of me until I lose my voice, I'll never speak to you again," Sly begs in a hoarse, quiet groan against Noiz's lips when he finally breaks the smacking of teeth and lips.

Noiz is breathless and his mind is buzzing and he isn't sure how to process that. Had Koujaku told him he was asking about him? Did Sly realize that Noiz still cared, that he hasn't been right since he screwed it all up?

"Sly--"

"I love you. I should have told you but I just-- Shit. I guess I really fucking love you and I'm sorry I fucked it up."

It shocks him, because Noiz had been doing all of this for Sly, hadn't thought Sly had messed anything up at all, hadn't taken the lack of a response as anything at all and yet Sly… Sly thought it was the reason it was over. That Sly had made such a grand mistake that it was unforgivable and that he didn't even want to bother patching things up with Noiz because he thought it was unfixable.

Noiz isn't sure how or why but he blurts out, "I'm sorry, libeling."

And drags Sly in for another kiss.

That's when the cashier and the barista kind of awkwardly force them to break it up because people are staring and Sly's coffee is ready.

"Uh… not to be rude, Sirs, but can you please take it outside."

Sly excuses himself for a moment, gets his croissant and coffee, and slides back next to Noiz, golden eyes fixed down at his straw. It must have looked so stupid and cliche and unreal, punching someone in the gut and then madly making out and then blurting out those hushed words to one another. It probably looked fucking insane to anyone else and Sly almost laughs. But… The awkwardness is back and the joining of their heart-beats is unreal.

"Come home with me," Noiz says, softly, under his breath, when he finally catches the corner of Sly's gaze.

Sly cracks a wry smile, tries not to smile as big as he wants to, and then laughs, "About time you came home so I could, too."


End file.
